I think you’re cute
cute as in I wanna hear what you sound like while experiencing an orgasm
"I was told
The average girl begins to plan her wedding at the age of 7
She picks the colors and the cake first
By the age of 10
She knows time,
She’s already chosen a gown
And a maid of honor
She’s waiting for a man
Who wont break out in hives when he hears the word “commitment”
Someone who doesn’t smell like a Band-Aid drenched in lonely
Someone who isn’t a temporary solution to the empty side of the bed
Who’ll hold her hand like it’s the only one they’ve ever seen
To be honest
I don’t know what kind of tux I’ll be wearing
I have no clue what my wedding will look like
But I imagine
The women who pins my last to hers
Will butterfly down the aisle
Like a 5 foot promise
Will be so large that you’ll see it on google maps
And know exactly where our wedding is being held
The woman that I plan to marry
Will have champagne in her walk
And I will get drunk on her footsteps
When the pastor asks
If I take this woman to be my wife
I will say yes before he finishes the sentence
I’ll apologize later for being impolite
But I will also explain him
That our first kiss happened 6 years ago
And I’ve been practicing my “Yes”
For past 2, 165 days
When people ask me about my wedding
I never really know what to say
But when they ask me about my future wife
I always tell them
Her eyes are the only Christmas lights that deserve to be seen all year long
She thinks too much
Misses her father
Loves to laugh
And she’s terrible at lying
Because her face never figured out how to do it correctly
I tell them
If my alarm clock sounded like her voice
My snooze button would collect dust
I tell them
If she came in a bottle
I would drink her until my vision is blurry and my friends take away my keys
If she was a book
I would memorize her table of contents
I would read her cover-to-cover
Hoping to find typos
Just so we can both have a few things to work on
Because aren’t we all unfinished?
Don’t we all need a little editing?
Aren’t we all waiting to be proofread by someone?
Aren’t we all praying they will tell us that we make sense
She don’t always make sense
But her imperfections are the things I love about her the most
I don’t know when I will be married
I don’t know where I will be married
But I do know this
Whenever I’m asked about my future wife
I always say
…She’s a lot like you
2. I swear I couldn’t look anybody in the eyes, so I began to wear sunglasses. Looking in other people eyes would hurt mine too much. I remember looking into yours, big and brown, full of vulnerability but not enough to tell me the truth.
3. I slept in my best friend’s sweater for some reason I felt safe in it. She gave it to me to cover my broken bones. I did not say thank you. I love her too much to say thank you.
4. And I slept for hours and hours until my mind was convinced that somehow my soul flied away but I could feel it coming back to me… It sneak out of me like a teenager in the middle of the night. I know who it was haunting.
5. My mother asked me if I am okay but I lied and kiss her on the forehead. I am not old enough to have heartbreaks over a boy. Sometimes I wish I could talk to her about it.
6. I kept writing words, sentences, metaphors, poetry in my little black book but they never came I out the way I wanted to. I guess when you have a bad taste in your mouth the words are drunk.
7. I tried to be angry about this like my friends, but I guess I haven’t been such a good friend to myself lately. The bad thoughts are coming back. I’ve actually missed them but they more badly than ever.
8. It was a time where I wanted to be soft. But I was never born with angel wings and heaven dust in my eyes. But I am too rough and you get bruised easily.
9. I’ve tried to unwrap the knot I feel in my stomach only to find the dead butterflies waiting for me to pick them up and bury them. You are not invited to the funeral.
10. I took some pills so I could stop my brain from cursing you. But it began to curse me."